...It's been a slooow start to the new year for me.
This time is characteristically busy and full of excitement; New year, new opportunities, new goals! But all of that excitement seems to have been lost on me this time around.
Art by Fisayo Quadri
It all just feels like yet another day I have to muddle through. I know it is "just another day", but those "clean slate" feelings have escaped me completely, and I've been feeling kind of bad about that.
Honestly, it's still pretty tricky for me to actually "own" my bipolar 2 diagnosis and understand just how much it affects me :/ Sometimes I feel fine and I am able to get things done easily, be thoughtful, responsive... you know, normal adult things lol. Then (far more times), I feel quite the opposite of fine, and my accomplishments for the day are very minimal- just getting basic things done like:
And not all of those things in one day lol. So while the world is excited about a new year, I'm just trying to manage consistently eating and actually getting out of bed when I wake up.
Despite the daily mood and energy shifts, I am still chipping away at things and trying to be productive, so I guess that counts for something? It's just a long road to find exactly what works and what doesn't, so when I'm MIA for days or weeks at a time, that's why. I'm in the mix trying to figure this thing out... or just trying to make it through a crappy day.
While I inherently hope that 2018 will bring me closer to a better way of operating, I fully realize that it's going to take a LOT of effort, but I am ready for it and I look forward to seeing those improvements (no matter how small) in real time.
If you're feeling similarly about the new year, just know that you're not alone, and just like we got through 2017, we'll get through 2018. One day at a time 💚